An Interview With Lord Voldemort
by Sunanda
Summary: I was Reading HP and GOF the other day and me wondered how will it be if Rita Skeeter interviewed Lord Voldemort. Well just a humorous interpretation of Interview from my side.


_**A/N:** Well here it is. My very own interpretation of an Interview between Rita Skeeter and He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Hope you guys like. Read and Review! :D XD_

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_**An Interview with Lord Voldemort.**_

_**By Rita Skeeter.**_

_**Special Daily Prophet Correspondence.**_

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_Here I am sitting in the private Dungeon of the most feared Dark Wizard of our times and having a perfectly civil, candid face to face conversation. I might Lord Voldemort does look kind of cute while sipping Fire Whisky from the goblet._

**R.S.:** Hello! !

**L.V.:** It's LORD VOLDEMORT to you, you mere MORTAL!

**R.S.:** Right. So Mr. Mort, your age is 89?

**L.V.:** It's 84. And it's LORD VOLDEMORT.

**R.S.:** So I assume you don't have any problem with me using quick-quill notes? Or do you?

**L.V.:** Eh?

**R.S.:** Okay! Let's continue.

**L.V.:** Wait! I err--

**R.S.:** So where was I? Yeah, how do you feel when everyone out there calls you the Man-who-ALWAYS-let-the-boy-live ?

_**Lord Voldemort Sputters. Spills the content of firewhisky which he was drinking.**_

**L.V.:** I shall kill all those who dare to insult me like that!

_**Oh! Boy! Wasn't Lord Voldemort angry!**_

**R.S.:** Err....then you might just add the whole wizarding world after the name of Harry Potter in your people-I-ought-to-kill-list. It's BTW a joke out there.

**L.V.:** Joke? They make a joke out of me? These people have to be taught a lesson!

**R.S.:** So are you now going to admit that your facial plastic surgery went horribly wrong?

**L.V.:** WHAT?

_**Lord Voldemort definitely looks uncomfortable and edgy.**_

**L.V.:** I never went under the knife!

**R.S.:** Of course, you wanted a Clark Gable Nose and instead you got Snake's slit in the place. I believe you. You NEVER went under the knife.

**R.S.:** BTW, off the record, I heard your scarlett contacts are custom made from Germany?

**L.V.:** You bet! Darn! Costly they are too.

_**Lord Voldemort then giggles like a teenage girl.**_

**R.S:** Now out there in wizarding there is a LOT of speculation about your "relationship" with Wormtail.

_**Lord Voldemort blushes**_

**L.V.:** Wormtail and me Share a relationship of Servant and Master. He only serves me.

**R.S.:** Right. Ofcourse there is NO underlying meaning to the word "serving" here. What about Bellatrix then? Is she also serving you?

**L.V.:** Eh? What's wrong in that? They all are my loyal followers, you dimwitted lady.

_**Rita Blushes at being called Lady, apparently she knows she is NO lady**_

**R.S.:** About your nemesis, Harry Potter?

_**For a second Lord Voldemort shudders visibly upon taking the name of his most fearest enemy.**_

**L.V.:** What about him?

**R.S.:** YOU weren't able to kill him for the Seventh time?

**L.V.:** That unnerving git has an uncanny streak of never ending luck.

**R.S.:** So you imply that you cannot Kill Harry Potter?

_**Lord Voldemort looks angry, and speaks through gritted teeth.**_

**L.V.:** I will KILL HARRY POTTER!

**R.S.:** Hmm....when? J.K.R. is NOT going to write an 8th Book, you see.

**L.V.:** What? That's a breach of contract. I was SUPPOSE to murder that kid!

**R.S.:** Uh-huh, you've just been duped royally!

**L.V.:** NO! I want an 8th book! I want an 8th Book!

**R.S.:** Errr.... So I guess all your Death Eaters have deserted you?

**L V.:** NO! They just wish to remain to under invisibility cloak in my presence.

**R.S.: **Hmmm...Interesting.

**R.S.:** So you NEVER came to know that Severus Snape was a spy of Order of Pheonix?

**L.V.:** No comments.

**R.S.:** Aren't you greatest of all the legilimence?

**L.V.:** No comments.

**R.S.:** So how's hell anyway?

**L.V.:** NO comments.

**R.S.:** Are you regretting that you made horcruxes in first place?

**L.V.:** NO comments.

**R.S.:** Are you going to answer any of my questions now or am I just wasting ink?

**L.V.:** No comments.

_After this, Lord Voldemort. One of the fearest and darkest Wizard of our times went into Lunacy Attack and unfortunately I had to cut short my very interesting interview with him._


End file.
